Rating Texts From My Dad

From unhinged to heartwarming, here are some of my favorite texts from the legendary B Dobs

So my dad is…unique. Every time I tell a new person a story about my dad, they can hardly believe he’s real. But he is, and I’m ready to show you the proof.

Likely the only picture ever captured of my dad smiling

But before we get started, a few things.

1. My dad is not a warm fuzzy kind of guy. He has, in his own words, “a knack for pissing people off without realizing it.” He doesn’t say I love you (though he shows it with his actions), and he rarely pays anyone a compliment. To be frank, if he remembers your name, that’s a compliment.

2. He’s all facts and figures and his own made up rules (my family calls it Bert logic), and these rules rarely make sense to anyone else. He sees things in black and white, with little to no room for nuance.

3. He is the reason that I’m so passionate about grammar. That man never let me get away with a single grammatical mistake, and so, in my adulthood, grammar is something we bond over. Once, one of us saw someone write “minus well” instead of “might as well” and that’s how we say it now. We have a lot of these.

4. I call him B Dobs (short for Bert Dobson) because one time we were driving by a Buffalo Wild Wings (a.k.a. B Dubs to those in the know), and he looked at me and said, “what do you guys call that place? B Dobs?” and I was SO upset I didn’t think of it first!

Alright, let’s get into the texts.

Honestly, what can I even say about this one? Why would you do that? Why would you tell me about it? Are you okay?? 8/10

This is so quintessential Bert (and just dad in general tbh), that I felt like I had to include it, even if it made me wish I wasn’t his go to person to text. I have two sisters by the way, it doesn’t have to be me!!! 2/10

I used to use my dad as an excuse a lot when I didn’t want to do things. If someone asked me to stay the night at their house, and I didn’t want to, I’d just say my dad said no. I even did this in college, which (fairly) resulted in a lot of people thinking I was incredibly sheltered, but I didn’t mind as long as I had a scapegoat. I appreciate that he never minded being the bad guy. 9/10

That’s supposed to say ID (autocorrect is my arch nemesis), but you get the picture. This was so unexpected, I literally LOLed in the checkout line. Though my dad can make me mad more easily than most people, he’s also really good at calming me down when I’m angry. He uses the distraction approach, which I find works really well for me when I’m particularly anxious or upset. 7/10

One of my all-time favorite texts from my dad. Absolutely incredible, no notes. 10/10

I used to complain to my dad frequently about a particular coworker of mine who drove me nuts. I appreciate the subtleness of the burn here. 8/10

I’m mostly just impressed he figured out how to use an emoji. Before this, he’d just write the word “emoji” and assume I knew which one he meant. One time I asked which one, and he replied “the big one.” Still not sure what that means! 6/10

Remember earlier when I said he rarely pays anyone a compliment? I’m so glad I got this is writing. B Dobs is not really a dessert person (except for Häagen-Dazs coffee ice cream), but he does like when I make banana bread and always asks demands that I share with him. And tbh I bake almost solely for the compliments, so I’m more than happy to do it. 8/10

This was today. The drama!!! And for what?? I’ve never forgotten Father’s Day or his birthday btw, and if you look closely, you’ll see that I sent that text before 10am. The day had barely begun. The sass coming through my phone is astronomical. He’s channeling his inner Livia Soprano here though, and I have to respect it. 10/10

Happy Father’s Day to all you dad’s out there! (I think my audience on every app is like 95% female, so this is for the one man who will read this probably.)

Life Updates

1. I just got home from a weekend in Toronto with some friends. We did lots of walking, coffee drinking, and exploring. The food was incredible, and the company was even better. I had a great time!

2. I started an intermediate pottery class last week, and I’m loving being back in the studio. If I’d known how much I was going to love ceramics, I’d have started a long time ago! It’s been so fun learning something new, and honestly probably a good thing for my perfectionism to be bad at something and to keep doing it anyway. I need to graduate from making cups though, because that’s all I seem to want to make and I’ve reeeeally got to do something else lol.

3. I’m bummed I couldn’t partake in the No Kings protests that were happening this weekend across the U.S., but I loved seeing how many people did! I know it can feel like we’re kind of screaming into the void about all the terrible stuff our no-good-dirty-rotten-pig-stealing-great-great-grandfather of a government is doing right now, so it’s always nice to see just how many people see through their charade and want to fight back.

4. I haven’t been reading much lately, which is definitely a bummer for me as it’s one of my favorite hobbies, but summer just gets so busy. I have minimal plans for the next couple weeks though, so I’m hoping I can get back into it and read through more of my tbr.

Thank you, as always, for reading! See you next week!